i remember once i saw a window
open to a world of flame and fire and sunlight
how silly it seems to me that i thought so
dont i know myself who i am what i am where i am
i felt the pulse of life through that window
and i went to it and started to go through it
but i couldnt and i tried again and again
i pushed at it hard maybe i can get through yet
but look not a window it is just a picture on the wall
already it begins to cloud over as the ice regrows
i look and ask how could i think that it was real
that it moved and warmed dont i know myself
dont i i mean shouldnt i remember what made me
have i forgotten for so long where i came from
i have used the excuse for so long that i am from nowhere
but i know that it isnt true
i am from a cold world of ice and a pain that is numbed
is it so bad without the feeling and pain
other people they are not like me do not see
what makes the pain so good why do they like it so much
dont they know what pain is they live in it
why do they persist in a world of pain with no hope
i merely persist in a world of hidden pain that doesnt hurt me
and even i wonder how i make it sometimes
i wonder what makes this world worth it even with its protection
surely it is safer than the world of mortals but still
even here i am not untouched by that world
it can hurt me even through my shell of ice
i am lord of a barren world and it is better than a moment ago
i lost my world no i abandoned it for the world of humanity
i saw life there and thought that it was better than here
dont i know why i chose my life here so long ago
have i forgotten what made me lord of my world
those people who live in the other world they see happiness and life
but they are so wrong they dont see what is really around them
they say oh the happiness will make the pain worth it
oh yes that happiness that will come sometime later
i remember being told of happiness i thought i could have it once too
but thats because i loved and i thought that that would make it better
humans silly creatures often believe that but in my world we know better
silly me because despite all i am i play by their rules often
love does not mean happiness in the real world but pain
for as i said the world of men has only pain
i feel the ice close in again feel the cold and comfort
there is no pain here no feeling at all
i remember the pain there was in the real world when i was there
i almost went back when i was there but my love pulled me back to her
now i am safe and i feel no pain and no hurt and no sorrow or loss
i do not feel the sting of love rejected and denied
i dont feel the loss and pain of being without the one i love
or the shame of failing to be the man she needed
so isnt it safer here